Shay, a cool kid from New York
I met Shay almost five years ago. She was one of the first New-York-born people I met after switching continents and coming to the city. From the get-go, she was an impersonation of cool to me. She was exactly what I imagined a Brooklyn girl would be, smart, independent, artsy, with tattoos ;P During our first couple of meetings I felt a bit intimidated by her easiness to start a conversation and her New York swag. (To all the people who know me well and are spitting out beverages on their screens right now, yes, I can feel intimidated at times, but only by people I respect). Anyway, very soon after I met Shay, I realized she reminded me of a book character, Pippi Longstocking. It was was because of both, her style and personality. Many of you might not know who Pippi is, unless you're into Swedish kids books from the 40s. Of course, Shay knew who I was referring to. Why?? Cuz she cool and she knows what's up! Also, Pippi is her inspiration.
Pippi Longstalking is a girl whose best friends are her full-size horse that she can lift with her one hand (cuz why not?), a monkey, and a couple kids from the neighborhood. You hipsters got interested? You better check out Astrid Lindgren. Anyway, Pippi is very independent, strong and doesn't conform to cultural norms of her village. Instead, she's creative, makes her own rules, and cares for her friends very much. Sometimes, she makes fun of unreasonable and pompous adults. Wait! Am I still describing Pippi or was it Shay all along? Never seen Shay hanging out with a horse and a monkey in public, tho.. Well it's New York, such view in the subway wouldn't surprise me at all! lol
Picking the right location for a photo shoot is crucial to me. I always want it to tell one's story or represent them the best. It was the case this time as well. Shay picked Saint John the Divine cathedral to my delight. I'm not necessarily a religious person, but I love Harlem and as an Architect, I appreciate the beauty of the building's design. Shay picked that location because it intertwined with her path on different life stages. Her summer camps used to take off from there when she was kid. Her family would sometimes meet there as it was a half way from where they lived. Finally, she had an internship at the cathedral and on weekends, she assisted with tours and children's workshops. She knows so much about the building and the cultural events taking place there, I think, she would still make a great tour guide :) She was mine, at least, that one afternoon.
Having a conversation with Shay is always a treat! It wasn't any different this time. Usually, among other topics, we talk about cool places to travel to, new cultural and art events around the city, skateboarding, longboarding, snowboarding, and food. Since she was born and raised in NYC, she's a walking and talking yelp/zagat/tripadvisor. You can't be bored around her. This time tho, we met to talk femininity and feminism.
AsW: When did you make yourself the most proud?
Shay: Wow.. that’s deeply personal, but I’ll share it. So, my childhood was really messed up and coming from a family of origin that wasn’t a great, positive place, I, as a young person (a teenager till early twenties), struggled with an eating disorder. Like, really badly.. I think I made myself the most proud in choosing to walk away from that because it is the most difficult thing for people to do. There was a time in my twenties when I had done a lot of work on myself, and a lot of therapy, and a lot of that stuff.. It was a time when I started living a lifestyle free of my eating disorder. The fact that I decided to step into living more healthily and caring enough not to do that anymore is the thing that I’m the most proud of. That I chose life instead..
Shay: There was another time when I really made myself proud. So.. everyone in my family is academic and well educated, having all kinds of professions with advanced degrees. When you are a young person, you aren’t quite self-possessed enough to back that expectation, or at least I wasn’t. When I was seventeen I said I was not going to college, I was going to take a year and just have fun. I went and got a job in a ski resort in a middle of nowhere, 8 miles from the Canadian border. I just found it on the internet. Back then you had to print out your application and mail it in. There was no online submission. I just went out there, I didn’t know anybody, and I just showed up with my two little bags and a snowboard and said: “Hi! I’m here and I’m gonna learn how to snowboard..” and everyone was like “Ok, weirdo”. Yeah, I remember feeling very proud of myself at that point, when I decided to leave New York.
AsW: Especially since you are from New York, which is a melting pot, what do think women have in common across different cultures and walks of life?
Shay: I think, in order to navigate the city, in any capacity, women have to be able to be somewhat assertive. Even the most shy women, no matter of their background or belief or whatever, in some way have to be able to, maybe not stake a claim, but assert themselves and navigate that. They, kind of, have to grow a thick skin, especially in New York. It’s such a hard question because New York is so many different things for so many different people and there are so many experiences going on simultaneously, I don’t think it can be quantified.
AsW: What do you appreciate other women for the most?
Shay: God! So much! The beautiful sisterhood that seems to happen when females collaborate. Whether it’s a mother-to-daugther role or sister-to-sister role, women who live in a community and help one another are the ones I appreciate the most. I like when women gear each other up!
PS.
Dear Shay,
I had such a great time with you once again. Thank you for walking me through your beloved places in Harlem, as much as for walking me through you thoughts about femininity and sisterhood. Also, thank you for your mental support with the blog and reading the stories I post. It means a lot! I wish you all the best in your endeavors. Hopefully, I'll see you soon in New York!
With love,
Anja
Unexpected, my favorite..
