Virgos, in the bushes, talking femininity
When I met Naina, my dear friend, we were on completely different life stages. She was preparing to get married and in the process of becoming a licensed Architect and I was questioning the life I’d already built. We come from different cultures and parts of world. There’s also an age gap between us. That being said, we connected immediately. The first time we hit the bar, there was hours of unstopped conversation.
We realized how much we had in common despite our different walks of life. We also discovered we were both mid-September Virgos, which explained a lot.. Despite being tangled in different cultural and family relations, we found a common ground, a safe non-judgment zone to talk about love, sex, religion, race. We created a safe space to have a conversation and ask questions, cuz that’s how you get to the bottom of different mindsets and philosophies of the world.
Let me introduce you to that beautiful person and give away a little bit of her family story that could not only make a book, but probably a movie. Naina was born in India to a loving, Sikh family. Before that, her family had a big, beautiful house and a prosperous business. They had a happy life, unfortunately, good fortune could not last forever. Due to Sikh genocide in 1984, Naina’s uncle and grandfather were gunned down in their own house. The former was only eighteen years old at the time and the latter was an American citizen, just visiting his family. The tragedy was witnessed by Naina’s father and grandmother, who also suffered bullet wounds. Naina’s grandmother lost her father and one of sons in a matter of seconds.
After Naina was born and almost two decades after the tragic events, her family still felt the ripples of 1984 and uncertainty for the future which led them to decide to give their children a better and safer future. In June 2001, they arrived in New York. Only a couple months before 9/11. Sikh religion is very peaceful, but it requires men to wear turbans. Due to that fact, Naina’s family, mostly her father and brother, experienced racism, harassment, and even physical threats.
Despite many hardships, Naina’s parents worked hard to give their children the best education possible and a better life. She speaks of her family very highly and remembers her childhood and growing up very positively. She graduated from Architecture school a few years ago. Now, she works in the City designing buildings of all sorts, including affordable housing for the less fortunate. She’s one of the smartest, most talented, and most diligent people I’ve come across. She’s also very humble about it.
Not only Naina’s career is going well, but her personal life is thriving too! She met the love of her life in college, her beautiful Russian boy, as she calls him ;) Even though she fell in love with a man outside of her culture, her family stayed very supportive. I was incredibly honored to witness their wedding in a Sikh temple last year. It was a beautiful, colorful ceremony among very welcoming family and friends of the young couple. In Sikh tradition, they won’t let you leave with an empty stomach, so we were treated with a lot of delicious, vegetarian food. I must admit, it was a very familiar view when I saw all of those hospital aunts giving away seconds, making sure our bellies were full. Not that different from Polish culture. The traditional, Sikh ceremony was followed by a classic, American reception where we had a chance to shake those pretty bottoms together to our jams. Beyoncé.
I met Naina in Brooklyn Botanic Garden to take the photos. Partially because, as she claims, she looks good in front of plants.. lol (agreed), but also because it’s a special place for her. That’s where she went on a first date with her future husband. I hope you’ll enjoy the fruits of our efforts. We also had a chance to talk and I asked her a few questions.
AsW: When did you make yourself the most proud?
Naina: I think it has to be when I graduated, you know. Architecture school was no joke and there were a lot of tough times, but after five years, I was very proud cuz I made it. When we started out there was only 50% of the kids that made it. It was a struggle, but it was just something I really had to do. I think I’m mostly proud when my parents are proud. They struggled a lot in this country just to give us the best life that they possibly could. So that’s the biggest thing for me.
AsW: What do you appreciate other women for the most?
Naina: I think we were talking about it before and I think perseverance, really, doing our best despite the physical pain and whatever life or society throws at us. I think it’s a cross-cultural thing that women get stuck with the most shit. I think that’s something that really connects women. I think it’s that common struggle to prove yourself. I think it goes to my mother and my grandmother. I also really see that in Ilya’s family. He comes from a strong line of women, his great grandmother for example, whose husband died in a Siberian camp and she made due her grandmother. Also, when Ilya’s dad remarried, his mom sort of raised him on her own. I mean, his father is great, but it was really his mom. I think, it’s the same thing with my mom. She was a sweet little girl, one of seven kids, the youngest daughter and circumstances brought her to America, far, far away from her parents and siblings. She was the baby of the house and she made her due just washing dishes to feed us. Back in India, we had maids, and there she was, washing dishes to provide for her kids and family. I think, people tend to underestimate women because women just love so freely and so selflessly. I don’t think men have that capability. I think that’s something that unites all women.
AsW: What do we have in common the most as women across different cultures and backgrounds?
Naina: I think it’s the sisterhood. It’s getting on a train at night and making eye contact with other women sitting there and being like “I got you”. I think it kind of suppresses race, language, and religion, just anything. Especially in NYC, it’s that sisterhood of being like “in my presence you’re ok! I won’t let anything happen to you.” It’s like being twenty one, when you finally got into a bar legally and you don’t know what to do with it, so you had too much and you’re throwing up and a random girl decides to hold your hair back! (laughing) I really think it’s that sisterhood. In terms of women that inspire me, it has to be my grandmother and my mother. As for my mom, we talked about it, there is a lot of love in my family and my father’s great, but her marriage was arranged. I always thought that because of her family in India, she was more conservative than my dad. But when I brought Ilya to her (you know to a conservative Sikh woman who was born in India I brought this beautiful Russian boy) and, of course, she was protective of me, her only daughter, but instead of right away saying “NO”, she gave it time. She saw how he treated me and she was so happy for me. I think that it was incredible because I honestly did not expect that. She put her culture or what others would say aside and she put my happiness above those things. She saw how this man treated me and put it above everything else. That’s incredible, it took a lot of courage from her, also from my family in general, but that support I got from her really surprised me. It really showed how much she loves me and how much capability she has. And above all, she did it with a smile on her face.
PS.
Dear Naina,
I had a great time with you, as always. You’re such a natural when it comes to looking good in front of plants lol. I loved our collaboration. Thank you for your time, energy, and a beautiful story. I wish you all the best on your first wedding anniversary. You deserve all the love and happiness that you receive. See you soon!
With love,
Anja
Unexpected, my favorite..
